Not sure how to feel or what to feel........................ I made the mistake of falling in love with my best friend and a man who does not find black ladies attractive. Since the world sees me as an African-American female, this was a killer fact to find out about someone I gave the title of "Best Friend" too! Turns out his nationality of choice are Latinas and Asians. SIGH.............. I am shit out of luck! I still don't understand why God would send this man into my life. Yes, he has helped me tremendously on my Spiritual path but why the cruelty of knowing that this is the kind of man I have always wanted! To know that he'll never love me and that I was written off because of my brown skin is difficult. It also feels like a punch in the gut because I have only dated White men. But I do find attractive men in all races, I just have always been drawn to Caucasian men.
Is this some kind of lesson? I don't like it! How am I supposed to believe someone else is out there for me when I feel I have met the love of my life in my best friend? I have cried so many tears over this! I just don't know what to do! My heart is so broken and It aches and I am so very hurt on such a deep level. I feel as if I need to let go , but I don't know how to do this! When I mention to him that I should go, he makes me feel like I am throwing him away! Does he not see that is how I feel???!!! As I type this, the tears run down my face! This happens often.......................... I'll continue this......... I need to try to sleep! I am so very sad and I don't know how this will ever be right for me!??
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