I am devastated and bewildered by the way some people are able to be dishonest for years! A person that I thought was my best friend for the past 7 1/2 years has turned out to be the most brutal enemy I have ever encountered in 49 years. We had such a special connection and then I fell in love with him and that was the beginning of the end! I had always felt as if we had known each other in another lifetime. That is how deep of a connection I thought we shared. I knew back then that I needed to let go and heal so we could resume our friendship after I was over him romantically. He would not let me go... He would say I was being extreme and that I didn't have to disappear but that is exactly what I should have done. I predicted that our friendship would turn toxic because it is just unrealistic to think that you can remain friends and be good to one another if one if you feel romantic love and it is not reciprocated. Now 7 1/2 years later it has become a verbally abusive relationship. I can't believe how I allowed this to happen when I knew I should have left. Now he acts like he is the victim when we are both responsible for our parts, but he has never been willing to take responsibility for his part in the downfall of our friendship. I have finally let got but I am so hurt and am having a hard time wrapping my mind around someone that can be THAT deceitful! I feel as if I was not even dealing with a human..........feels more like demonic energy! That is the truth. I feel foolish for allowing my "hope" that he would see the light and realize how special I am but in all the time that he said those very words, the reality of it is that he was not really speaking with integrity and honesty..... I am completely gutted, which I am sure would make him smirk with intentional malice. Well, at least I can begin to truly heal and to be grateful for the tools that he supplied me with in the beginning to help my spiritual growth take off. I am proud of myself for having the ability to be thankful for the time that he was in my life, unlike him. ................ BLAH!
Just truly feel gutted......... I know this too shall pass but it is a huge wake up call to STOP accepting that kind of behavior from anyone that is not helping you to aspire to be your true self........... to resonate at a higher consciousness and to be Christ-like.
It pains me to admit this but I have been involved in a toxic friendship for the past 7 1/2 years!! I am finally getting it together to end this fallacy. I am trying to forgive myself and because of my spiritual beliefs, I do realize that there was good that came out of this friendship in the beginning. Now it is no longer conducive to my highest good and I have to let it go! Yes, I am devastated but only because I can't wrap my mind around why someone would intentionally say they love you but abuse you verbally and make it a mission to be brutal to you when life can already be tough. It takes a special kind of being to intentionally want to harm someone they go out of their way to convince that they have deep love for me. I want to scream! I want to kick his ass! I want to get intoxicated! I hurt deeply because I truly thought this person would be in my life for the remainder of it.................... Not going to happen now because if I do not stick to my decision, I will be destroyed. I do not want negative emotions to manifest into illness or disease. I do well for a 49 year old who will be turning 50 this year :) I have been through too much in my life and I put up with a lot of angst from other people, but what I just allowed is unacceptable!! I feel so betrayed............It would take so long to go into all the evil things that went on between both of us and I am literally emotionally drained. Now I seek help for healing! I will take it where I can get it! I forgive myself for not leaving this relationship when I knew better. I know that what I am feeling is not the right way, but I truly wish I could convince him that I died so he would never try to enter my life again! More later............ I am exhausted...
