TOXIC FRIENDSHIP

It pains me to admit this but I have been involved in a toxic friendship for the past 7 1/2 years!!  I am finally getting it together to end this fallacy.  I am trying to forgive myself and because of my spiritual beliefs, I do realize that there was good that came out of this friendship in the beginning.  Now it is no longer conducive to my highest good and I have to let it go!  Yes, I am devastated but only because I can't wrap my mind around why someone would intentionally say they love you but abuse you verbally and make it a mission to be brutal to you when life can already be tough.  It takes a special kind of being to intentionally want to harm someone they go out of their way to convince that they have deep love for me.  I want to scream!  I want to kick his ass!  I want to get intoxicated! I hurt deeply because I truly thought this person would be in my life for the remainder of it.................... Not going to happen now because if I do not stick to my decision, I will be destroyed.  I do not want negative emotions to manifest into illness or disease.  I do well for a 49 year old who will be turning 50 this year :)  I have been through too much in my life and I put up with a lot of angst from other people, but what I just allowed is unacceptable!!  I feel so betrayed............It would take so long to go into all the evil things that went on between both of us and I am literally emotionally drained.  Now I seek help for healing!  I will take it where I can get it!  I forgive myself for not leaving this relationship when I knew better. I know that what I am feeling is not the right way, but I truly wish I could convince him that I died so he would never try to enter my life again! More later............ I am exhausted...